Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
