Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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