I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
