Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
