Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
