id be glad to
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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