like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
