True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
