He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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