Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
