I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you didnt know i had herpes?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
