$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
