Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
