I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
