I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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