FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
