I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
