I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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