And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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