if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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