You smell like stripper and shame
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
