All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My cat gives me a boner
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
