sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
