my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize