I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He shit in the fireplace
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
