I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
