Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
