ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
