I'm so fucking centered right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
