I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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