your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry about my life...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
