apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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