a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
