Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
