My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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