I want to stick my p in your. b.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize