that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
