he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
