Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
