you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
