dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
