how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
MIDGETS
????
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
