Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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