Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
