he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
