Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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