I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I didn't notice because vodka
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
