Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
