did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
