At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
