You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
