Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
