we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
