I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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