I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
