I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
