I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
