My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
