i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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