Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
