I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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