Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
