i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
