and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
