Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
