you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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