We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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