was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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