I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
