3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
