my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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