you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
