how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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