I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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