he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
